The Diary of a Black Man - The Search for a Soul Mate

Chapter 1

My father never really talked to me about life and sex. When I was sixteen years old, he called me into his office and started talking to me in an unconcerned way.

            He said, “Son, your mother wants me to talk to you about life and sex. I want you to know that my father never had this talk with me, so I really don’t know what to say. However, to keep your mother happy, I promised her that we would have this talk.  Now about the facts of life, the only way a black man is going to make it in life is if he gets a good education. After he gets a good education, he needs to find a good job that will allow him to live a good life.”  

“However, about sex, well I want you to know that some men think the soul of a woman is in her beauty, but I think it’s in her heart and mind. A woman’s beauty will make you search for sexual pleasure, but her soul will make you search for endless time. Son, it’s very important that you find you a woman that is good for your soul. That’s my speech on life and sex. Alright, that’s all I have to say for now, but before you leave, do you have any questions?”

            I looked at my father with a blank expression on my face. He should have known by the way I was looking at him that I didn’t know what in the hell he was talking about. I was only sixteen years old, and I didn’t know anything about a woman’s soul. To be honest, I didn’t know where my soul was. In my confusion, I replied, “No Sir,” as if I understood what he was talking about.

            My father said, “Okay son, you can go, and if your mother asks you if we had this talk, remember to tell her yes.”

            I smiled at my father with a fake smile because his speech was a disappointment to me.  I was confused as hell since my mother had built up this manhood moment with my father as if it was going to change my life forever. I lowered my head and walked away just as confused before the talk began. I wanted to hear more from my father about life, especially sex, but he acted as if he didn’t give a shit about the subject.

            My father didn’t need to waste his time talking to me about getting a good education and finding a good job. Shit, by the age of fourteen, I knew I was going to be a chemist. Everyone in my family also knew that I was going to be a chemist for the simple reason that my mother was a chemistry teacher.  I started learning about chemistry when I was in the first grade. Therefore, learning about the facts of life and getting a good education probably would not be very hard for me to do.

            However, about sex, now that was another story. I didn’t know a damn thing about sex. I knew girls had something that I wanted. I was at the age where I could not control myself. Every time a girl walked by me; my dick would start jumping in my pants. I thought something was wrong with me. I masturbated almost every other day and sometimes I think that’s the reason my dick is so damn big today. I’m the one who made the curve in my dick.

            See, I came from a middle class family and masturbating was a no-no. In my mother’s eyes, you didn’t have sex until you were married. Getting a good education was more important than getting a nut. If she had caught me masturbating, she would have sent me to an all boys’ school. Now my father came from the projects, but the projects was a part of his life that he wanted to forget. Every now and then when he was mad at me, he would unleash the ghetto beast. Yet, he was one of the lucky ones who made it out without a criminal record.

            I knew from that day forward, I was on my own. I would have to learn the hard way. At the young tender age of sixteen, my goals for my life were to get a good education, find a good job, and search for my soul mate.